Jealousy/Memory
video installation,Projection on a 4′ x 3′ table, 3.5 min loop, 2006
Space Gallery, Pittsburgh, PA
SPACE Gallery in Pittsburgh asked me to do a piece for a humorous self-portraiture show called “In To My Self”. I wanted the image of myself to be more than me- not to be me, but to be who i wanted to be, so I chose someone I knew, respected and adored, and who was able to do what I most wanted to but couldn’t: sing well. Staring into the face of that desire, I wanted my “self” to touch the bottom of my emotions and dig into the painful conflicts found in jealousy and memory and the unshakable pain of jealous experiences. The song my “self” is singing is “Jealousy” by Queen, and the portrait video is presented underneath the familiar card game of “Memory”. The card game is projected down onto a table top, setting the viewer up for a seemingly playable situation. However, the viewer must simply watch the card game playing itself before their eyes. This, I believe, gets right at the heart of a painful memory: while the inaccuracy of memory makes you feel like you can control past situations, the frustration lies in the fact that you are actually unable to change it. Are we jealous of whoever or whatever is actually turning the cards? Are we angry at memory for mocking us? I wanted all of these frustrations to mix together and confuse themselves over nothing but the presentation of a simple card game. The collision of stunted game play, an actor in place of a self portrait and the overtly-dramatic use of a pop song, all play an underhanded role in this piece’s sense of humor.
